A Little Bar for the Big Shots

The Little Bar looms large in my childhood memories. I grew up in a nice, middle-class neighborhood in Marine City, MI so the Porsches and Ferraris that often parked there stood out.

I haven’t been able to find much established history on the place (maybe someone can help me with this) but I do know it started up in the early 20th Century. Its name was appropriate, as it was a tiny building with just enough room for a bar, the kitchen, and a handful of tables. I’m not sure when but sometime after the automotive boom, it became a hangout for automotive executives. Even Henry Ford was known to eat there.

The drive from Detroit to Marine City is about forty-five minutes now but in those days it was a much longer haul. So why did they make the trip? Word is it was a good spot to talk business away from spying eyes. For the same reason, it was a good place to take your mistress out for a good meal. I’ve heard from many sources, though it’s never been one-hundred percent verified that Henry Ford II fired Lee Iacocca over dinner at The Little Bar.

I’ve run into people from all over who have heard of The Little Bar. For a certain crowd of people, it was a famous place. This never stopped surprising me. To me, it was just the place across the street. As a kid, The Little Bar meant money. As I mentioned, the cars that parked there were awesome. On Halloween, the owner handed out full-size candy bars. He also tipped big when I had my paper route. The place was a wealthy nook in a blue collar city. For a good period of time, my family was friendly with their chef. His name escapes me but he was a large, African American man who would always come out to give our beagle, Lucy, scraps when we were running her in the field next door. She’d lose her mind every time he appeared in the side door. We never saw him outside of his white chef’s uniform, which included a big, old fashioned chef’s hat. One time, my parents invited him to the Maritime Days Beer Tent. He was easy to spot when he arrived, as he was a large black man in a chef’s hat in a sea of good ol’ boys.

Out of all of these memories, my fondest is of the boat people. They would dock at the marina and walk the block over to get dinner and drinks. They would pass our house well dressed and proper. They’d pass in the other direction disheveled and howling with laughter. I pity the other boaters they encountered on the way home.

Some time ago, when I was in college, a new owner bought it with big plans. He added a large, two story section onto the back. The lower floor was a nice, expanded dining room. The upper story was turned into three “hotel rooms” of different themes. I remember one being a jungle room but can’t remember the rest. I don’t know what the hell they were thinking. In short order, they went out of business and The Little Bar sat empty for the first time since it was built.

It stayed that way for several years until the current owners, Greg and Char Faucher, decided to invest in it. They found it in a sorry state. The exterior looked fine but the inside was a borderline death-trap. They went to work for many months putting it back together again. They kept the back dining room but converted the upstairs to a very nice apartment, which they lived in. By the time they were done, they’d not only gotten the place up to code but also managed to bring back the spirit of the original establishment. In the following years, the members of the Trudeau family had become regular patrons. The food was very good and unlike in the past, not expensive. It may not have been The Little Bar of legend but it was a great place to have dinner. Part of the charm was Char and Greg themselves, as they were always friendly and happy to have you in.

Then some idiot set it on fire.

We had a string of arsons in town, hitting The Marwood Inn, Anita’s Bar and Restaurant, and The Little Bar. The Marwood was already closed and people were at Anita’s when the firebomb was tossed into the basement, so they managed to put it out quick. The Little Bar was not so lucky. Ben, Beth, and I watched the fire trucks descend on it in the middle of the night and we hoped the damage wouldn’t be too bad. It was, though. The outside looked fine but the inside was a total loss, with an entire section of the floor collapsing into the basement.

They’ve been working hard in recent weeks to get fixed and open again. The great tragedy is that to get it up to code, they had to demolish and rebuild the front section. In other words, the “real” Little Bar.  I just watched machines tear it down. I’m sure Char and Greg will make it a great place again and they can expect the Trudeaus to return for their usual take-out order. I’m still sad to see the original building go, though, as a lot of history went with it. At one point, it was a meeting place for the businessmen who helped shape the American Century.

Putting It Together

I’m now two weeks from my new live show, The Good Stuff.  I’ve checked out the venue, measured out the stage, the poster is done, and I’ve almost got all the production night roles filled. 

Did I mention the cast?  For months, they’ve been working on their lines, blocking, and timing.  The show’s dialogue-heavy nature has made this a real challenge, even for me.  The best part of the process has been seeing what they do with the parts I gave them.  Several of these were written for specific people back in the Flying Turtle days.  Watching them put their own spin on them has been a pleasure I wasn’t anticipating.

It’s a small show but it means a lot to me.  It was cool publishing a book of my work but it’s nothing like putting it in front of an audience.  As a book, it’s something I can put on the shelf and say “I made that”.  At the end of the day, though, the scripts are meant to be performed.  The book is just a blueprint for the real thing.

I’ve spent almost every Monday and Wednesday of this summer watching bank robbers armed with vegetables, a man torturing another with Rush music, and two guys arguing about a furry candle.  It’s been great, even in its rough form.  Make sure you take some time to see the finished project.

The show will be performed on August 26^th and 27^th at 8pm at the St. Clair Community Center.  The price is $5 at the door.  I promise it will be worth your time.

Mr. Jeremy Brown

In a college field stuffed with creative writing programs, I think WesternMichiganUniversityis a below-the-radar gem.  I met a lot of great people over my years there.  My first workshop professor, Bill Olsen, is an accomplished poet.  Stu Dybek, an award winning short story writer, taught fiction.  Bonnie Jo Campbell was the prize graduate student at the time and Arnie Johnston really helped me understand the broader world of being a writer.  My favorite experience, though, was Jaimy Gordon’s fiction class.  She just won the National Book Award for her novel, Lord of Misrule, and her workshop has been a highlight of my life.

It was in her class that I met Jeremy Brown.  I don’t know that we shared a single word before I read his first story.  The title eludes me but it was about VC zombies in the Vietnam War.  It was insane, unpredictable, and reminiscent of the pulp stories I’d grown to love.  The class loved it too.  They loved it so much that when I offered some constructive criticism, several came close to calling me an asshole for doing anything other than heaping praise on him.

They were more sensitive to my comments than Jeremy was, as he wrote down what I said.  I don’t remember my first actual conversation with him.  It’s like one minute he was just a good writer in the class and the next we were hanging out.  Before long we were working together at Barnes and Noble and when I started up The Flying Turtle Show, he was on board.

Fiction classes were always more fun if he was in them with me.  If a fellow student was flipping or wigging out, he’d kick me under the table to try and get me to laugh.  I’m glad I never did because I don’t think they would’ve appreciated me giggling while they went off the deep end.  I also remember us being given the assignment at the bookstore of vaccuming out the ceiling vents.  When we kicked on the Shop Vac, it sprayed dust out the vents, covering the cafe customers in a grey cloud.

Jeremy remains the most creatively talented person I’ve ever met.  First, he wrote great stories.  The first few things I read by him were crazed mixes of horror and humor, featuring a man trying to turn himself into a wolf, a satanic pizza delivery service, and other similar concepts.  The writing was quick and funny, without the feeling of effort you often find when others attempt the same tone.

He was also sharp in both writing and performing sketch comedy.  I get pissed off thinking about how easy it came to him.  The guy was completely at home on stage and though I don’t think he loved doing it, he was a hell of an improv performer.  He wrote my favorite Flying Turtle sketch, “Furry Candle”, and another I’d love to produce someday called “Code of the Clans”.

On top of these two areas, Jeremy is also skilled at horror make-up, costume, and prop design.  He also does wilderness races where he climbs mountains, paddles canoes, and fights bears (I don’t know about the last part but it wouldn’t surprise me).  Oh, I almost forgot to mention he’s trained in MMA fighting.

You get the idea.  After years of chasing other pursuits, Jeremy has honed in on becoming a professional writer.  First, he wrote a couple of young adult mystery books for Scholastic (the Crime Files series).  Now, his first novel has been published.  For the record, he called it Suckerpunch long before Zack Snyder decided to punish us with a movie of the same name.  It’s already done well enough to warrant a sequel.  This doesn’t surprise me as its MMA hero, Woodshed Wallace, is a perfect protagonist to build a series around.

The book is filled with the type of funny, pulpy prose I first read years ago, with a bit more polish on it.  Jeremy has been a big help to me in recent years, as he’s helped guide me through the minefield of trying to get an agent, let me use some of his material in my book, and wrote the intro for it.  It’s not often you get a good guy and a good writer in the same package.  This is one of those times.

Make sure you check out Suckerpunch: http://www.amazon.com/Suckerpunch-Jeremy-Brown/dp/1605422258/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1310411713&sr=1-1

His website:  www.jeremywbrown.com

Writing For Yahoo

I’m now a Yahoo contributor, so I’ll be posting links to my articles here from time to time.  I’ve published two so far:

A review of Farewell Continental’s debut album, Hey, Hey Pioneers:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/8151981/album_review_hey_hey_pioneers_by_farewell.html?cat=33

A brief recollection of my childhood 4th of July parties on the water:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/8142569/family_fishing_and_fireworks_on_the.html?cat=43

Please click through, give a read, and click on the “Like” button if you’re inspired to.

My Review of Green Lantern

Green Lantern has been hammered by critics plus most fans, including me, have been dreading its potential stinker status since we saw the first limp trailer.  There’s no real consensus among critics as to what went wrong.  Some say Ryan Reynolds is awful and others say he’s the film’s saving grace.  Some think the special effects are too cartoonish.  The list goes on and on.  The only agreement is the film is a turkey.

Well, I saw it today with very low expectations.  The film’s issues all come down to one fact: it’s dull.  I can’t name one exciting set piece from the entire film.  Despite starring a hero with a power of unlimited potential, the movie is so un-imaginative I can’t believe it took four writers to come up with the script. 

So what was it that led a sometimes-excellent director and lots of solid talent to deliver a dud?  I think the key was they assumed the concept of the Green Lantern Corps and its mythology would be instantly compelling and didn’t work to make it so. 

Let’s look at Sinestro as an example.  Sinestro is the once-great Green Lantern who eventually goes rogue and becomes Hal’s greatest enemy.  I was going to put SPOILER ALERT in front of that sentence but come on, the guy’s name is Sinestro and he looks like the devil.  Not since Grimer Wormtongue has a name been so obvious a clue to a character’s nature. 

Anyway, in the movie we see Sinestro report to the Guardians, make a speech, be mean to Hal, make another report to the Guardians, save Hal, and then say something nice at the end.  He doesn’t interact with the main character in any significant way so why exactly is the audience supposed to care about what happens to him next?  The script hasn’t done anything to earn any emotional payoff.  My son thought he was cool but he already knows who Sinestro is and was just excited to see him as a “real person.”  It’s a shame because Mark Strong plays him well and gets as much as he can out of it.  There’s only so much you can do, though,  when the character is dead on the page.

That’s how it handles the entire Lantern Corps.  The movie is too busy telling you it’s all awesome instead of making it so.  And for god’s sake, don’t lay everything out at the beginning of the movie.  Let the audience discover things with the lead character.  Avatar had just as plain of a script but it was still entertaining because it was always revealing new things.  This movie comes with a prologue giving you everything up front.  The movie should’ve started with the discovery of Parallax and Abin Sur being mortally wounded by it with no further explanation.  That way there’s a layer of mystery to keep us interested.

Also, aren’t movies like this supposed to build to slam bang endings?  First with Thor and now Green Lantern, we’ve had two superhero films this summer with anticlimactic finishes.  At least Thor had more fun getting there.  Plus, you actually cared about the people involved.

So what makes the movie dull and not just terrible?  I hate to say it, because I’ve never liked him, but Ryan Reynolds was a solid Hal Jordan.  They nailed his personality and he gave things a little more life than they would’ve had otherwise.  I also liked Peter Saarsgard as Hector Hammond.  This is all weird because I’ve always liked Hal Jordan and Peter Saarsgard but disliked Ryan Reynolds and Hector Hammond.  It all balanced out.

This movie may be the ultimate example of screwing up by trying to launch a film series instead of concentrating on making the one movie great.  You have to earn the franchise.  You can’t assume you’ll get one.  

If you do want to see a good Green Lantern movie, check out the animated film Green Lantern: First Flight where they do everything right this one did wrong.  Also, Justice League: The New Frontier has one of the all-time great takes on Hal.

By the way, I mentioned in my last post hoping to see GL’s many creators’ names in the credits.  As expected, all it said was “Based on characters and concepts published by DC Comics.”

Martin Nodell and The Green Lantern

Tomorrow is opening night for Green Lantern, the movie I’ve been dreading/looking forward to for a while now.  The character has always been my favorite superhero through his many incarnations.  I was noodling this when my thoughts turned to Martin Nodell.

Nodell was an illustrator, working freelance in New York City in 1940.  Superman had debuted two years prior and since then, a number of comic book companies had sprung up, looking for new characters to grab a piece of the superhero action.  Heading back to Brooklyn one night on the subway, Nodell spotted a train man swinging a lantern with a green light on the tracks, signalling the train to get moving.  Something about the image inspired him and he quickly drew up his own super character: The Green Lantern.

He brought it to Sheldon Mayer, who was an editor at All American Comics (now DC Comics).  Mayer liked the idea but thought it was rough.  He brought in his go-to writer, Bill Finger, to help Nodell pollish the concept.  The end result was a character who wielded a magic green ring, powered by the lantern, that could conjure up anything he imagined.  This original version of the character (his real identity was Alan Scott) was the owner of a broadcast company and his only weakness was wood (that one was never explained). 

The character was popular throughout what’s called The Golden Age of Comics.  After WWII, superheroes lost their popularity and Alan Scott’s adventures came to an end.  Out of all the brightly clad heroes of the era, only Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman saw their series continued.  A few years later, Nodell left comics forever to begin a successful career in advertising.  The most popular of his ad designs was the character now called The Pillsbury Doughboy.  I bet you didn’t know he’s Green Lantern’s relative.

GL did find his way back to comic books.  In the late fifties, DC Comics editor Julius Schwartz was reviving the superhero comic.  He’d already brought back The Flash and decided to do the same with Nodell’s creation.  This time, though, he wanted to switch out mystical powers for a science fiction approach.  He and writer John Broome developed the idea of Hal Jordan and The Green Lantern Corps.  Gil Kane created the iconic look for the character.  It’s this version of the character that’s hitting movie screens tomorrow.

I met Mr. Nodell in the last several years of his life, when he became a regular guest at the Motor City Comic Con.  Being a big Green Lantern fan, I was excited to meet him.  He struck me as optimistic and was very pleased his original concept had shown so much staying power.  As I was a guest as well, I got to have a couple of conversations with him while we were both taking breaks from the floor.  The most memorable of these was when I discussed politics and the Garden of Eden story with him and Peter David.  I have a Super 8 video somewhere of an interview I did with him.  I took it very much to heart when he told me I was a “bright young man” and I should keep going after my ambitions even if they seemed impossible.  He died in 2006.

I’ve seen multiple interviews with cast members, the director, and other creators behind the new film.  Not once has his name come up.  In fact, no one has ever mentioned Bill Finger, Julius Schwartz, John Broome, or Gil Kane either.  You’d almost think Geoff Johns made him up, as he’s the only comic creator I’ve heard referenced.  Whether the film succeeds or fails, it was once only an idea these men turned into a lasting concept.  Many others have made a lot of money from it and at the very least I hope their names appear in the credits.

The DC Reboot

I started collecting comic books in late 1984.  The first series I collected was Green Lantern, which was a good intro to the wider DC Comics’ Universe.  Five or six months into collecting it, DC launched the maxi-series Crisis on Infinite Earths which re-booted (though the term hadn’t been coined yet) the continuity of most DC titles, many of them starting back at issue number one.  Characters like Superman and Wonder Woman were modernized/humanized while Batman got his edge back.

This week, DC announced they are trying this experiment again.  Now back in 1985, the internet wasn’t there for people to freak out on.  It’s a different story in 2011.

For those of you not familiar with comic book jargon, continuity in super hero books refers to the shared history between characters living in the same universe.  The DC Universe is the place where the mainstream characters the company owns (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, etc) all exist. 

Back when the DC Universe was first created, no one paid much attention to continuity.  Sure Batman and Superman bumped into each other from time to time and the Justice Society of America gathered a multitude of characters under one roof but no one cared much if there were contradictions in who did what when.  It was during the Silver Age (the late fifties through the early seventies) that it became something readers paid attention to, especially after Marvel made it a cornerstone of their books. 

DC’s continuity breaks down as follows:

1938-1985: Original continuity, featuring the multiverse (a large number of parallel Earths with alternate histories).  This is often referred to as pre-Crisis continuity.

1986-1994: Post crisis continuity.  The multiverse is condensed into one universe.  Characters are modernized and several long-running series are re-booted.

1994-2005:  Post-post crisis continuity.  The series Zero Hour tweaks the post crisis continuity to make up for inconsistencies.

2005-2011:  Post-post-post crisis continuity.  The series Infinite Crisis brings back the multiverse (now referred to as The 52, as it features 52 Earths).  While this doesn’t lead to a trend of re-booting like the original crisis, books at DC slowly creep back to their Silver Age status quo as Superman’s flying dog returns, the wild Fifties Batman stories make their way back into his history, Barry Allen returns as The Flash, etc.

2011-?:  Upcoming re-boot.

 

You might notice the length of time between resets keeps shrinking.  Modern comic book readers are adults.  Adults pay more attention to how the puzzle fits together than kids do.  We notice facts like the Batman who exists now is only about five years older than when he was protecting President Reagan from the KGBeast (that’s right, the KGBeast).  It’s also impossible for a multitude of creators working on a multitude of books to make all of their stories fit together perfectly.  The “soft” reboots after the original Crisis were attempts to do that. 

Keeping track of continuity through multiple Crises can get tiresome.  Let’s say you’re a writer and you have a great idea for The Red Bee, a 1940s character who fought crime with trained bees.  I didn’t make that up, by the way.  So you pitch it to an editor and the book comes out and it’s a success.  Problem is, your story takes place two years after the events in The Golden Age mini-series, where The Red Bee is killed.  So your story “didn’t really happen.”  After this verdict is laid down, someone else points out that The Golden Age was an “Elseworlds” book, taking place outside of continuity, so your story does make sense.  The people with the original point of view contend events in Starman and JSA brought The Golden Age into the main continuity.  And so on and so on.

 Continuity is a big part of the fun of reading superhero books.  It’s also an anchor weighing them down.

 This is why I don’t care about the re-launch/boot/watchamacallit as much as many of the other fans.  I love the complaints that washing out what’s happened until now makes what they’ve been reading “not matter.”  As if the stories were real events now rendered meaningless.  If you had fun reading them and still do, they matter.

 The key issue is this: when continuity has gotten so thick it inhibits the creators’ abilities to tell good stories, you scrap the continuity.  The most celebrated Superman book of the last ten years has been All Star Superman, where Grant Morrison was given free reign to tell stories with his ideal version of the character, free of the regular books’ continuity.  Now I don’t know if the new books will hit that same level.  I’m sure most of them won’t.  The bottom line is DC’s lineup is getting tired and their sales are the proof.  They had to do something to inject life into their characters again, as fun has been a missing element for some time now.

I hope they have the guts to really follow through on this.  If some characters get re-launched and others stay the same, the doors are left open to cluttered attempts to reconcile the two (Hypertime!).  All I care about is being entertained and if they can line up the right people to do that, I’m good.

Work in Progress

An idea for a sketch is usually bumping around in my head before I write it down.  Some turn out great and others wind up unworkable.  I remember an idea I was in love with about a crazed doctor making house calls.  It was the funniest bit in the world until I sat down to write it.  I came back to it multiple times before giving up on it.

I thought it would be fun to post a first draft I wrote a couple weeks ago.  With all my other work going on, I haven’t been able to revisit it.  I thought it might be fun to throw it up on this blog to see if folks think it has any promise.  If it does work out and makes it into my show, it might be fun to come back here and see how it’s changed.  It’s called Last Letter. 

A man (Chris) lays in a hospital bed, staring at the ceiling.  Dr. Rex steps in holding a clipboard.

Rex:  Hello, Chris.
Chris:  Oh.  Hello, Dr. Rex.  Is it almost time?
Rex:  Yes it is.  Is your wife still stuck inDenver?
Chris:  She is.  It doesn’t look like she’ll be making it in time.
Rex:  Well, this is a standard procedure.  The risks are slight.
Chris:  But there are risks just the same.  Could you do me a favor, doctor?
Rex:  What is it?
Chris:  I wanted to write her a note but my hands are shaking too much.  Could you write it for me?
Rex:  Sure.  I have a few moments.

He pulls up a chair and grabs a notepad that was sitting next to Chris.

 Rex:  I’m ready when you are.
Chris:  “DearCharlotte.  I’m writing this to you at the hospital.  I’m about to go in for the procedure and though chances are slim something will go wrong, I wanted to write you in the event the worst happened.  So please don’t worry about me…”
Rex:  Okay, stop.
Chris:  Is there a problem?
Rex:  Yes.  You’re boring the shit out of me.
Chris:  What?
Rex:  These could be your last words to your wife and this is the best you can come up with? 
Chris:  I never said I was a writer.
Rex:  It doesn’t matter.  If they made “Sorry I’m Dead” Hallmark cards I’d just buy one of those and get it over with.
Chris:  That’s a little rough.
Rex:  Look, I’m with people in your situation all the time.  If I’m rough it’s only because I want your last message to be as good as it should be.  If you want, I have some suggestions.
Chris:  Okay.
Rex:  First off, don’t waste time telling her where you physically are.  She knows you’re at the hospital.  Instead, tell her how you’re feeling.
Chris:  Okay.  “Dear Charlotte.”
Rex:  My dearestCharlotte.
Chris:  “I’m about to go in for my procedure and am nervous but confident at the same time.”
Rex:  Oh my god.
Chris:  What now?
Rex:  Nervous but confident at the same time?  Is that supposed to inspire her?  How about, “I’m filled with dread but thoughts of you keep me inspired?”
Chris:  I’m not filled with dread.
Rex:  Do you want this letter to be compelling or honest?
Chris:  Can’t it be both?
Rex:  Not with you.  I’m writing “filled with dread.”
Chris:  No.  It’s my letter.  Tell her I’m nervous but take comfort in thoughts of her.
Rex:  Not as good as mine but a definite improvement over the original.
Chris:  “I keep thinking back to our times together and know there’s no one else I would’ve wanted to spend them with.”
Rex:  Get specific.
Chris:  Why? 
Rex:  Because that’s what she’ll want.  Trust me.
Chris:  Okay.  “When I think back on our times together from our honeymoon in Bermuda to our summer inNebraskato canoeing inColorado…”
Rex:  This isn’t a travelogue.  Get intimate.
Chris:  I’m not telling you intimate stuff.
Rex:  You’re not telling me.  You’re telling her.
Chris:  Yeah but you’re here in the meantime.
Rex:  I’m a doctor.  I can handle it.
Chris:  I know my wife.  She doesn’t want a letter full of intimate details.
Rex:  That’s too bad because I’ve already put them in.
Chris:  What did you write?
Rex:  “When I think back on our times together from our passionate honeymoon in Bermuda, where I taught you what a man can do to a woman, to our summer inNebraska, where our fierce love making filled up the nights…”
Chris:  Hey!  That’s not what happened.
Rex:  Well this is better.
Chris:  She was there.  She’ll wonder what the heck I’m talking about.
Rex:  Are you saying you didn’t do anything on your honeymoon?
Chris:  Yeah but I didn’t “teach her what a man can do to a woman”.  Who talks like that?
Rex:  Men who have taught women what a man can do to a woman. 
Chris:  Take it out.
Rex:  Fine.
Chris:  “I want you to know the only regrets I have are the times I could’ve been with you but wasn’t.”

A moment of silence.

Rex:  Yes?
Chris:  I was waiting for you to say that line sucks.
Rex:  No.  It was pretty good.
Chris:  Okay.  “I know I’d be at peace right now if only I could see your face before going in.”
Rex:  Now we’re getting somewhere.
Chris:  “Just know I honor and respect you above all others.”
Rex:  And we’re sunk.
Chris:  What’s the problem now?
Rex:  You haven’t told her how hot she is.  Women like to hear that.  Do you think she cares if you honor and respect her?
Chris:  Yes.
Rex:  I doubt it.
Chris:  Have you ever been in a long-term relationship?
Rex:  Yes.  I’ve had a “friends with benefits” arrangement with a nurse for four years.
Chris:  That’s not a relationship.
Rex:  I tell her it is.
Chris:  You know what?  Just tell my wife I was thinking about her and we’ll call it a day.
Rex:  Oh, come on.  You can’t leave her hanging like that.
Chris:  I wanted to write her a nice note telling her how I feel but you keep trying to make it a letter to Penthouse.
Rex:  You’re overstating it.  I promise I’ll hold back.
Chris:  Fine.  “My dearestCharlotte.  As I write you this letter, I’m able to keep from feeling too scared because the thought of you still inspires me.”
Rex:  Nice.
Chris:  “Looking back, the only regrets I have are that I wasn’t able to spend even more time with you.  When I think back to the times we’ve spent together, from our honeymoon in Bermuda to canoeing inColorado, I know that my life has been well spent because I was with you.”

He stops speaking for a moment and Rex keeps writing.

Chris:  You’re writing a lot more than I was saying.  Let me see what you put down.
Rex:  That’s not necessary.
Chris:  Hand it over! 

He does and Chris reads over what’s there.

Chris:  First off, my wife is not a red head and second, we’ve never even walked throughCentral Park, much less made “angry love” on a carriage there.
Rex:  Poetic license.
Chris:  And though I’m not always good on details, I think I’d remember “taking her like a stag” in a Burger King Playland.
Rex:  I think my prose is strong enough for her to take it as genuine.
Chris:  How could she take it as genuine?  It didn’t happen.
Rex:  I’ll just put in a piece about it being so intense it wiped her memory.
Chris:  Could you please just write what I say?
Rex:  Fine but I’m not going to take the blame if she thinks it’s dull.
Chris:  No one will blame you.
Rex:  I just wanted it to count.  There’s a good chance she won’t be seeing you again.
Chris:  I thought you said the procedure was safe?
Rex:  Comparatively but I’m going to share a doctor secret with you: when the knife comes down it’s all a crap shoot.  I lost a guy last week taking his tonsils out.
Chris:  Oh my god!
Rex:  Chill out.  I’m sober this time. 

A woman (CHARLOTTE) comes rushing into the room.

Charlotte:  Honey!
Chris:  Sweetheart!

Rex gets out of the way as she runs to her husband to hug him.

Chris:  I can’t believe you’re here!
Charlotte:  Looks like I made it just in time.
Rex:  Good.  We don’t have to worry about the letter any more.
Chris:  I guess not.
Rex:  Sorry about writing you two did it in a Burger King Playland. 

She turns to the doctor, then back to Chris.

Charlotte:  You told him about that?

THE END   

My Work Returns to the Stage

Sketch comedy is my first great love as a writer.  I spent several years in my early twenties doing The Flying Turtle Show, where I worked hard at developing my voice.  The sad part was the show ended just as I was putting out my best work.  I set the sketches aside for years as I put my energy into comics, film scripts, and my day job.

As I was in the limbo between being laid off and starting up again as an independent, I starting fleshing out these ideas into full sketches.  Most were simple, two-character pieces inspired by my experiences since the show ended.  Last year, I found myself sitting on several years’ worth of short scripts without much to show for their creation.  That’s when I decided to collect and publish them.  The result was my book, Hold On to the Good Stuff.  The Marx Brothers inspired the title, as they made sure to never let go of their best stage bits.  Over the years they worked them into their movies and promo pieces.  Like them, I didn’t want my good material going to waste.

The book’s been out for almost a year now and I’m happy with it but at the end of the day, scripts need to be performed.   I’d been noodling with the idea of producing them again (and several for the first time) before contacting the St. Clair Theater Guild with the idea of producing it through them.  We’ve nailed it down now and the live show of Hold On to the Good Stuff will be hitting the stage on August 26 and 27 in St. Clair, MI.  Auditions are coming up on June 8 and I’m looking forward to putting my work in front of an audience again.

The first time my work was ever performed for a real audience was the first Flying Turtle Show, performed at Dirty’s Cafe in Kalamazoo, MI back in 1996.  I had two nights of weird dreams beforehand and when a big crowd showed up for it, the fear of stinking of the stage landed on me.  I lamented making Trappers the first sketch we performed.  It was about two animal trappers in the city who caught a jogger in a bear trap.  I realized before going on it was my weakest sketch (I didn’t include it in the book).  I can’t even begin to express the divine relief I felt when it actually got laughs (much thanks to Earl Brown and Jeremy Brown for making it work).  I’m hoping for a similar experience in August.

So please come check it out and if you haven’t already seen the book, I promise you it’s worth the investment.  You can buy a hard copy or download it at:  http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/hold-on-to-the-good-stuff/11273150?productTrackingContext=search_results/search_shelf/center/1

The Force Is With Us?

You’ve probably heard something like this before:  Star Wars was the first movie I saw in a theater and it blew my little mind.  I saw each of the original three films multiple times in the theater and probably around a hundred times since then.  Though it kicked off the blockbuster culture in Hollywood I’d argue that until Batman in 1989, there were no other movies on its level for my friends and I.  The Indiana Jones movies were close but they didn’t create a whole other world for adventure to take place in.

Things are much different today.  Star Wars is still really popular but  it’s not the same experience for kids now as it was for us.  Instead of three movies coming out three years apart, they have novels, a TV show, the prequel films, comics, etc.  For us, the events before that first battle over Tatooine were a mystery.  What was it like when there was still a Jedi order?  How exactly did Darth Vader turn to the dark side?  Who is Luke and Leia’s mother? 

I spent several years after Return of the Jedi finding out if any of these questions had answers.  There wasn’t much to go on.  Even finding interviews with George Lucas was tough because back in the olden days we didn’t have this fancy interweb.  Was I the only one who heard rumors of books existing that told the story of Episodes I-III?  It turns out the idea that books existed before the movies came from the fact that the Star Wars novelization came out a year before the film.  If I’d known that I would’ve been able to give up the search a lot earlier.

By the way, that novelization had a short summary of what happened before the original movie that gave the only answers I was ever able to find.  In just over a page it laid out how the Republic had fallen as Palpatine took over as Emperor.  It was the most exciting page I had ever read.  The novelization of Return of the Jedi also revealed that Darth Vader’s injuries were a result of being knocked into a “molten pit” by Obi Wan Kenobi.

I’ve formed the opinion that Star Wars has lost much of its magic as Lucas and others have filled in every blank space.  I used to get excited imagining a squad of Jedis going into battle together.  We’ve now seen that a hundred times.  No need to wonder how Yoda handled a lightsaber fight.  He has one every other week.  We now know what Anakin was like and who the twins’ mother was and it was, um, uninspiring.  Plus the books and comics have charted out a history of the galaxy stretching thousands of years before the films and hundreds of years following.  I haven’t read many of them because the one’s I did depressed me by turning my favorite space opera into a soap opera.

So am I being a grumpy old man thinking what was once magic is now routine?  Is my whole point of view because I experienced the original films as a child?  Let’s face it, you can’t love any movie as much as an adult as you could then.  Or am I right in thinking that Lucas has dimmed Star Wars‘ luster by turning it into just another franchise?